Where Has It Gone?

Where has it gone?

Seems to be a familiar theme in my life lately.

Where has it gone?

“It” being…

Time: How can it have been two years since I wrote a blog post? I don’t understand. It doesn’t feel like two years. The Ancient One is now 97,  and the last blog post was about her 95th birthday. I’ve done the math every which way and it keeps coming out at “2 years”.  Where are my days going?

Unction: I’m not sure that’s really the word I want to use. But obviously I’m out of practice with the whole “word” thing. This blog isn’t the only thing with cobwebs in the corners.

Okay…so I just looked up the word “unction”. SO not the word I want to use. I think I was thinking of “gumption”. I love dictionaries. But that made me laugh, so I’m leaving it there.

And moving on….

GUMPTION: Where’s that “get up ‘n go” that makes me want to write and share? I actually think I know the answer to this one – caring for someone with dementia is draining. And a lot of the time, when things are difficult, I don’t have the energy to write about it. Too used up, with few words to offer. Or too many feelings and words can’t cover it. It’s not just the blog that feels that way. Relationships, shopping, reading, oh….so many things seem so far away.

Grandma’s purse. Or stamps. Or belt. Or sweater. Or address book. Or pots. Or the silverware.  Or Grandma….yes, we seem to ask that “Where has it gone?” many, many times a day.

But I’m still here. My world feels very small. I hardly keep in touch with anyone. I am sorry about that. I feel I have very little to contribute outside of my little world.

And all of this sounds depressed and depressing. But I’m not. Really truly, I’m not.

I’m sitting here on this cloudy day, loving the gray coolness, drinking a health-filled smoothy and  finding myself wanting to write for the first time in a while, so I thought I would dust off the keyboard, wave my tiny, internet hand, and say,

“Hello out there! I’m still here. I’m really fine. I’m learning a lot about the downhill side of life, about loving in the hard times, and about wanting to be a more Christ-like woman. I’m in a good spot though. My life is filled with beauty….starting with my sunrise walks at the lake with my mom almost every morning and moving on to days filled with family and kindness and figuring things out and hashing and venting and  loving and flowers and forgiveness and grace. SO MUCH GRACE. ”

Thankfully, that’s one thing I don’t have to ask “Where has it gone?” My life is grace abounding!

Anyway…

“Hello out there! I’m still here. How are you?”

 

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