I deleted my Facebook account.
After 4 years on Facebook.
After 4 years of indecision about whether I should be on Facebook or not….
After 4 years of ignoring red flags……….
Those who know me, know what that meant. One of my best friends didn’t believe me when I told her I was leaving. Even when I assured her I was serious. Several times.
“Right….I’ve heard this before.”
Grandma didn’t believe me even while watching me delete and delete and delete. There were others who questioned as well.
“Haha, suuuuurrrreee, Sage. Whatever.”
Let me just say right now that I am sorry to all of you who I talked into joining Facebook. Really, I’m sorry.
I can’t tell you the trepidation I felt the day after I decided Facebook must simply go.
But when I’m in the backwoods of them thar hills?!?!?! How will I keep in touch???? How will I know what my siblings are up to??? How will I maintain contact with far away relatives and “friends” I don’t know well enough to really stay in touch with??? How will I play Scrabble with Mom and Sony?????
And then the really honest stuff.
How will I live without feeding my “notification” addiction???? Where will I share random little tidbits that aren’t worth relaying in any other way but on Facebook??? How will anyone comment on my pictures and make me feel beautiful and joyful and smart and witty and awesome????
The night before I deleted my account, I said goodbye…in such a Facebook kinda way:
And I deleted. Everything.
I deleted my “friends”.
Sometimes clicking on that “Are You Sure” button filled me with release and an ear to ear smile. Sometimes clicking on that same button killed me a little inside. I was attached. Even to people I didn’t want to be friends with! How crazy!!!
Four years worth of almost daily updates and random thoughts and great links and stupid time wasters and snapshots of my life.
Four years worth of relationships that shifted from daily contact to nothing and from mere acquaintances to close friends.
Every picture. Every wall post. Every note. HOURS of deleting. I cried. I laughed. I cried. I remembered. And then I got really, really sick of it all. And I couldn’t wait to leave.
WHY did I have to be such a prolific poster?!?!
And when I finally clicked that last huge ARE YOU SURE?!?!?! button…I was overwhelmed with euphoric freedom. I was done! Done!!!
Done with that constant “need” to check in and keep up. Done with that unrelenting inner struggle to determine if it was good or bad for me to be there. Done with deleting.
Done with Facebook.
PS….I’ve opened a tumblr account. Don’t ask me why. I don’t want to admit why. 😉 I know…so ironic.
PSS…You probably noticed this is “Part One”. I’m leaving that open ended. Right now I feel more motivated. More productive. More down to earth. More real. If, next week, after I get over my TOTAL burnout from all those hours of deleting, I may write a PART TWO…and cry about how much I’m missing it. We’ll see!