Ever have those days…or weeks…when you feel like you can’t pray? For one reason or another. Feels like God is there, of course…He’s always RIGHT there, but your communication lines are down. There is something in the way, and you’re not hearing Him. You don’t doubt that He’s there, just waiting for you to work things out and quiet down enough to have a real conversation with Him. Meanwhile, your brain is whirling and your heart is thumping and your life is calling from all different directions.Or you feel so unworthy, that you doubt He even wants to hear from you.
Those are hard times. But good times. They show me how empty my life is without Him. They force me to focus on Him. They bring me to my knees, in a very gently, persistent, merciful way. And they make me realize how much I love my God all over again.Last week was one of those weeks. Prayer was forced. Bible reading was routine. My heart was numb.
And then I went to church. And I sat there and wondered why I did. I saw that they were planning on having communion that day, and I struggled with wanting to get up and run out of the building. I didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel close enough to Yahweh to partake of the body and blood of His Son. And I prayed, “How can I do this??? I can’t! Not now! Not while I’m feeling so distant and unworthy and awkward about it all!”
The preacher was talking about things that seemed completely irrelevant to what I was facing. I struggled against panic, and tried to calmly form an escape plan and excuses in case anyone inquired.
And I prayed.
“I can’t do this. I am not worthy. How could I be worthy?”
And that still, calm, loving voice inside my heart, “Are you limiting Me? Are you limiting my grace and mercy?”
My heart was still. My mind was clear. Is there ANYTHING I could ever do to be worthy? Is it possible for me to make it all okay. NO. It’s Him. It’s all Him. I am nothing without Him. With Him…I am a child of the King. And I am blessed to receive His atonement that makes me worthy.
Why do I let my mind limit what is limitless? His love. His mercy. His grace. It’s limitless. It’s available. It’s amazing.
His love is SO amazing!!!
Through Christ, you can be worthy too! Isn’t that beautiful!!!