|❤ Picture by Mom ❤|
A group of eight ladies…all silver haired. Except for the one on the end…I think she’s wearing a wig. Sharing coffee at a coffee shop.
“Excuse me, I didn’t hear you. I’m hard of hearing.” said one sparkling eyed matron.
“Aren’t we all!”
General snickers around the table.
A business man in shorts and an izod…laptop, files and an incessantly ringing iPhone. Loudly incessant. I wish he spoke a little more loudly. Tera and I can’t tell if he’s Scottish, English or South African.
A loud, nasally cackle from across the shop.
A family talking about a 34 year old they know who has never seriously dated anyone. Crazy.
I’m not meaning to eavesdrop. It just happens. Snatches of conversation with each sip of blackberry latte freddo. And the blueberry muffin was yummy too.
There ARE advantages to not having internet at home.
And then I went to church. And I sat there and wondered why I did. I saw that they were planning on having communion that day, and I struggled with wanting to get up and run out of the building. I didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel close enough to Yahweh to partake of the body and blood of His Son. And I prayed, “How can I do this??? I can’t! Not now! Not while I’m feeling so distant and unworthy and awkward about it all!”
The preacher was talking about things that seemed completely irrelevant to what I was facing. I struggled against panic, and tried to calmly form an escape plan and excuses in case anyone inquired.
And I prayed.
“I can’t do this. I am not worthy. How could I be worthy?”
And that still, calm, loving voice inside my heart, “Are you limiting Me? Are you limiting my grace and mercy?”
I was out watering the garden this morning, taking advantage of the relative coolness before 100 degree temps drive me inside for the rest of the day. It was peaceful and lovely, and I was enjoying it…until suddenly…..I saw a squirrel run up to Grandma’s apple tree.